Yes it’s true! After a thorough investigation I can confirm that sadly McDonalds is a communist brand. We should have known from the red in their restaurant sign, but my god did their greasy fumes once reek of freedom!
Set up in 1955 by Ray Kroc after he bought up a small time burger chain owned by the brothers Maurice and Richard McDonald, the restaurant became the greatest fast food franchise to walk this brave new world. Serving around 64 million customers daily, it was the love child of Capitalist asexuality. When the Berlin Wall came crumbling down, McDonalds was one of the first brave explorers to venture into the Valley of the Socialites; replacing their steroid injected sauerkraut with good old fashioned freedom fries!
But not now…
Where it all went wrong I can’t confirm. Yet upon visiting the place one could tell something was wrong; the employees were clones of each other; each wearing black caps and speaking in a monotone robotic voice. Probably alerted by my strong Capitalist musk, they continually referred to me as ‘Yesser’ which from skimmed research means ‘you landowning dogger’ in Marxist Ruski. From then I immediately felt unwelcome, as if I was one of a thousand faceless and insignificant people to enter their establishment; just like the Commy’s would want it!
However the thing that most gave their ‘sly’ operation way was the sale of a product called a ‘Big Mac’. Apparently sold in the restaurant for years (I wouldn’t know I’m more of a Burger King fan), I can only assume that it is a contemporary version of ‘Big Brother’ (Check up on 1984 Children). The picture beside it is that of a very appetising burger. This could be a metaphor of the appeal towards ‘Macs’ own brand of communism or even that Mac indeed has a hamburger for a head! All I know is that its presence was disturbingly alluring. I believe that full on exposure to the picture idolizing ‘Big Mac’ will turn even the brightest colour leprechaun of the Capitalist rainbow into a grey Commy raincloud.
This report comes with a severe warning; the employees have already been turned, regular customers will be next, followed by moderates and so on! Then it will just be a matter of time before ‘Big Mac’ shows his fat, meaty face and leads an army of converted McDonald connoisseurs up to the houses of Parliament, where he will rape David Cameron in the ear hole and stream it live for the whole world to see!
So next time your fatty addiction gets the better of you, use the McDonalds drive thru, snatch your burger bag and get the hell out of there! Cos McDonald restaurant establishments are communists!
